8 Surprising Myths About Surrogacy

What is true and what is false when it comes to surrogacy? The truth is surrogacy is becoming a more common way to safely and ethically build a family. However, there are still some surprising myths about surrogacy that have persisted over the years. These misconceptions can make it very confusing for couples who are researching the surrogacy process.

• Surrogacy is a safe and legal path to parenthood.
• Surrogates are motivated by helping others build their families, not money.
• Gestational surrogates are not biologically related to the baby they are carrying.
• Only women who have successfully given birth can be surrogates.
• Everyone’s surrogacy journey is unique.
• You do not have to be famous or rich to start your surrogacy journey.
• Surrogacy is a selfless act, not a selfish one.
• Many turn to surrogacy due to medical or personal reasons, not vanity.

Myth #1: The Surrogate Can Change Her Mind and Keep the Baby

Decades ago, you may have read a few stories of surrogate mothers who wanted to keep the baby. However, these cases involve traditional surrogacy, in which the mother’s own egg is used. This means she is genetically related to the child.

Gestational surrogacy is different. The surrogate uses only donated eggs and sperm, so she is in no way genetically related to the baby. The Intended Mother (or egg donor) supplies her eggs, while the Intended Father (or sperm donor) supplies his sperm. These are combined to create embryos, which are then implanted into the womb of the surrogate via IVF.

Family Source Consultants help you in enlisting a surrogacy lawyer who will ensure that your parental rights are protected as soon as the surrogate becomes pregnant. Where necessary, these rights will be formalized through a birth parentage order, either before or after the birth. This also means that the Intended Parent/s’ names will be on the birth certificate.

All surrogates at FSC undergo a careful screening process which includes an in-depth psychological exam, ensuring they are fully prepared to carry a pregnancy for someone else, both physically and mentally. In fact, surrogates often say that they developed a more significant attachment to their intended parents than they did with the child they carried. We believe this is because surrogates go into their journey knowing the child they will carry has never been theirs, establishing a distinct mindset from day one.

Myth #2: Surrogates Are in It for the Money

It’s true that surrogates who go through an agency will receive compensation for carrying a pregnancy. They will also be reimbursed for all their pregnancy-related costs and any other expenses. But that’s not the reason our surrogates are surrogates!

At FSC, we find that women who become surrogates are genuinely eager to help other people start their own families. Many of our surrogates talk about the joy they feel in creating a little life, especially for couples or individuals who wouldn’t be able to have children on their own.

Myth #3: The Surrogate is Related to the Baby

At FSC, we only facilitate gestational surrogacy arrangements where the surrogate mother is not biologically related to the baby and will have no genetic connection to your child.

The amazing thing about surrogacy is that it doesn’t matter whose uterus is used: the genetic material that goes into creating an embryo will only come from the man and woman who created that embryo. The egg and sperm are the entire sum of the operation when it comes to genetic inheritance!

Myth #4: You Can Be a Surrogate if You’ve Never Had a Baby

Despite what you may have seen in movies, one of the non-negotiable requirements for gestational surrogacy is that you’ve had a successful pregnancy and are raising a child of your own.

Experiencing a full-term pregnancy and delivery is a requirement because intended parents need to be certain that their surrogate can safely carry a pregnancy to term and give birth to a healthy child.

It’s also important for the surrogate herself to have experienced a full-term pregnancy. Pregnancy and surrogacy are both highly physical and emotional journeys, and it’s crucial that the surrogate knows what to expect.

Myth #5: The Best Surrogates are Close Family or Friends of the Intended Parent(s)

Working with a known surrogate is appealing and has worked for many people. However, it can undoubtedly add a layer of complexity and can often challenge and push established relationships to new boundaries.

At Family Source Consultants, we like to consider ourselves “match-makers” for our intended parents and their surrogate. One of our highest priorities when we match intended parents and surrogates is to ensure that each party’s values and goals are compatible.

Nearly all of the journeys we facilitate are between individuals who were strangers at first. Some go on to develop organic relationships and become life-long friends, while others mutually desire less ongoing contact, and the relationship fades with time.

Each journey is unique, and consequentially, each resulting relationship is similarly special.

Myth #6: You Have to Be Rich and Famous to Use a Surrogate

We’ve all heard about celebrities like Kim Kardashian, Jimmy Fallon, and Andy Cohen using surrogates, but there are thousands of “regular” people every year who choose surrogacy as a way to build their families.

Many people who decide to pursue surrogacy are ordinary men and women who simply want to have children – but can’t. Yes, it’s expensive, but there are many options to finance surrogacy, including fertility grants which don’t have to be repaid.

There can be many reasons that people choose surrogacy. Some of our IPs are single and want a child of their own but haven’t been able to find a suitable partner. Some are same-sex couples who need a woman to carry their baby. And some are heterosexual couples who have struggled with fertility problems and just haven’t been able to get pregnant.

The reasons go on and on. And, at the end of the day, having the family you’ve longed for is priceless!

Myth #7: Surrogacy is Selfish; Parents Who Cannot Conceive Could Just Adopt or Foster a Child.

For many people, surrogacy is their last possible chance to have a child that is biologically related to them. After all, our bodies are designed to create offspring – but certain factors can make this difficult or impossible for some people.

Adopting or fostering a child is a wonderful thing to do, but it is not the choice for everyone.

Choosing to become a mom or dad via surrogacy is a personal decision and one that requires a huge amount of careful planning and dedication. It is certainly more complicated and time-consuming than the ‘natural’ method – so anyone who opts for surrogacy is far from selfish!

Myth 8: Someone Who Uses a Surrogate Mother is Just Thinking About Her Figure.

When a surrogate is used, many are quick to claim that the mother did not want to ‘ruin’ her body. Again, this is another myth! Ask any Intended Mother whether she would prefer to carry the pregnancy herself, and you will get a resounding YES.

Some Intended Parents – such as gay male couples or transgender individuals – may not even have the option of bearing a pregnancy.

In nearly every case, surrogacy is a last resort for a couple or individual to have their own child. As mentioned above, this is not an easy decision – and it certainly is not cheap. Rather, it is the only option.

Let’s Talk!

Now we’ve cleared the air on those myths, let’s talk! Contact us today to learn more about starting your family through Family Source Consultants. We are happy to answer any questions you may have.

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• Surrogacy Contracts: Why a Well-Written One is Key
• The Ethics of Surrogacy from a Gestational Carrier’s Perspective
• Top 3 Things TV and the Movies Get Wrong About Surrogacy