How can you have a successful relationship with your surrogate? The idea of someone else carrying your longed-for baby may seem somewhat strange at first, but it's also something incredible. Surrogacy brings together a group of remarkable people who want to create a life. That's why building a healthy relationship from the beginning is so important.  

  • Get to know each other during the match process 
  • Interact during the pregnancy 
  • Plan what will happen after the delivery  

Get to know each other during the matching process  

"Trusting someone to carry your baby is quite a big thing. Especially when it's international and you don't yet know each other that well. Nevertheless, we had full trust in the Surrogate and relationship. It just needed to grow as well in 9 months!" FSC Parents P&L 

The matching process can be a little nerve-wracking for both of you, but the key is to be patient. There are loads of surrogates out there, and the perfect match for you may take some time to uncover.  

When you do find the right surrogate, be honest. Let her know exactly what you're hoping for from this arrangement in terms of communication and how much information you want to share with one another. Most importantly, be sure to establish each other's boundaries.  

And don't be afraid to ask questions! Your surrogate will be prepared for this and will have plenty of questions of her own. 

Interaction during the pregnancy  

"It was an easy-going relationship from the start. We were so confident she knew everything it takes in terms of surrogacy and her previous journey that let her go without being on her back. We looked after each other no matter what but kept in mind she had her own children and needed time for herself. Our surrogate's husband, children, parents, parents-in-law, and herself are truly our second family." – FSC Parents G&J 

Honesty and open communication is so important. Let your surrogate know exactly what's on your mind and how much information you'd like. Share how much involvement you'd like, for example: 

  • Are you hoping to come to her appointments?  
  • Do you want regular photo updates?  

Stay in touch! Decide which forms of communication works best for both of you: email, Zoom, Whatsapp, or Messenger are all great options.  

Remember that you can trust your carrier. She's already been through a strict screening process, so you should feel assured that your baby is in the best hands. It's natural to worry about the baby, but it's also important to know that it's her body and she has had children before. 

Establishing a birth plan is a must. A birth plan is an outline of how you'd like the delivery to play out, from the time labor begins to the arrival itself – and the aftermath. It's crucial to address this long before the birth so that everyone is on the same page.  

When in doubt, consult your case manager. They are your 'go-between': the person who will be there for the entire journey, facilitating interaction between you and your surrogate. They'll be your messenger and helper, making the process as stress-free as possible.  

Plan what will happen after the delivery 

"I think from our initial conversation the relationship we built was pretty on par with what we expected. We intend to keep our surrogate updated on big events within our child's life. As we are in different states we are keeping in touch via text message and social media. We hope to continue the casual relationship we built and look forward to what the future brings." – FSC Parents E&K 

When your precious little one arrives, you'll be completely consumed with love and emotion. That's why it's a good idea to sort out what you expect from your surrogate well in advance.  

Set clear expectations about how much contact you want to maintain after the birth. Some parents are happy to keep in touch with their surrogate as their baby grows, while others prefer to let the relationship end at the hospital.  

Keep in mind that Postpartum emotions are real, even for gestational carriers! Research has shown that in most cases, the surrogate feels more sadness for losing the relationship with her Intended Parents than for the baby itself. This is understandable, especially if you have become close over the previous nine months and shared an intimate connection. 

Keeping in touch with your surrogate can be healthy for everyone involved. Make sure she knows how much you appreciate her and how grateful you are for the incredible role she's played in your life. A simple text, photo update, or occasional meeting can go a long way. 

Want to know more about what to expect as an IP? 

Our team at FSC would love to chat! There's no question we can't answer.  We would love to help guide you through this journey. Contact us today!  

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Staci Swiderski, CEO and owner of Family Source Consultants, has been a prominent leader in reproductive medicine for over two decades. Through her strategic vision and dedication, she has developed Family Source Consultants into a globally recognized agency specializing in comprehensive egg donation and gestational surrogacy services. Under Staci’s leadership, the agency has become a trusted partner for intended parents, surrogates, and egg donors worldwide, known for its rigorous standards, compassionate support, and commitment to excellence in third-party reproduction.

Her professional insight is uniquely informed by her own family-building experiences. As an intended parent, Staci welcomed her son via gestational surrogacy in 2005, and as a known egg donor, she assisted an infertile couple in expanding their family. These experiences lend a rare depth to her leadership and have fueled her ongoing dedication to ethical, empathetic, and professional support within the field of reproductive medicine.