Becoming a Surrogate is an emotional journey that usually ends on a high note. Our former Surrogates often say it’s one of the most incredible experiences of their lives. But what if the journey didn’t go as expected? For friends and family, it can be hard to know what to say.
We asked former Surrogates to share what helped them navigate through the baby blues as a postpartum Surrogate.
How can you support a Surrogate who is experiencing the baby blues?
Advice from Former Surrogates:
Oftentimes, the ending of the journey is the hardest part of the journey itself. As a Surrogate, you’re left feeling like “now what?” You have just done something amazing and are forever changed, but life around you goes back to normal for everyone else.
Remind her on a regular basis that she helped create life and a family and she should be proud of herself. No one knows how and when a pregnancy will end, so that is out of her control. It doesn’t change what she did.
Remind her that the new parents are probably overwhelmed with their new challenges, but in time will find more availability to communicate.
The acceptance of the end is a difficult thing, but time does heal all and soon she will be feeling back to normal.
– Denise Conner, Surrogate Support Manager
I would get an anonymous card in the mail after each of my surrogacies thanking me for doing such a wonderful thing. It really put a smile on my face.
I now know it was one of my mom’s friends whose daughter was struggling with fertility.
I do think cheering on other Surrogates and being able to share in their journey helps, too.
– Deanna S., Former Surrogate
Never be ashamed to seek emotional therapy. I know there is a lot of stigma in the air about it, but it’s good for the soul. Don’t think it will make you look like you couldn’t handle the journey. That’s not the case. It’s an emotional experience, even for those who have done it numerous times!
Sometimes you just need guidance with getting through a difficult phase, and that’s OK.
You did a wonderful thing and you deserve to take care of yourself.
– Chyanna L., Former Surrogate
I am a 4x Surrogate and fertility therapist. Having counseling support during and after pregnancy is very helpful for a Surrogate!
Studies have shown that ongoing counseling during a pregnancy can lower the risk of developing PPD. And for Surrogates, being able to have a trusted relationship with a therapist can help process feelings after the birth — especially if the birth or relationship didn’t end the way that they expected.
– @carried.with.love, Former Surrogate
I delivered twins in March and it was a bit early. I remember feeling “mom guilt” like I didn’t do enough. Just know that you did more than enough.
Know that if you feel depressed, it will pass. Always talk to your provider and make sure you get help.
Just know that every amazing journey in history came to an end at some point. Everyone has felt the “what now” feeling.
I decided to apply for milk donation at a milk bank for preemies. I get to continue to support little ones and that brings me joy. I also get paid a dollar an ounce and have made $560 this week.
Find a new thing that brings you joy!
– @Surrogate_mama, Former Surrogate
Family Source offers 24/7 surrogacy support
When you become a Surrogate with Family Source, you always have access to our stellar support group. With meetings online and in person, as well as our very active Facebook group, there is always someone available 24/7 for support, no matter what phase of the surrogacy journey you’re currently in.