If you’re an intended parent, you’re probably wondering what should you ask your Surrogate during your match meeting? You should ask questions that help you understand their personality, motivations, lifestyle, expectations for communication through your journey, and what support systems they have in place. These questions will help build trust and ensure compatibility as you begin your surrogacy journey.

When meeting your Surrogate:

  • Know it is normal to feel nervous and excited, getting to know your Surrogate is a big deal.
  • Remember, your case manager will help guide you through the conversation.
  • Start off with small talk before diving into the “big” questions.
  • Ask questions to learn about her motivation, lifestyle, and support network.
  • Discuss communication expectations and comfort levels.
  • Family Source Consultants are experts in surrogacy match-making with over 98% of our Intended Parents matching with the first candidate that they talk to!

Important questions to ask your Surrogate

If you’re working with a surrogacy agency, your case manager will play a key role in helping you to find the right match. That said, your match always comes down to what you want and who you feel comfortable with. It all starts with asking the right questions at your first match meeting.

So, what should you ask?

Let’s face it, match meetings can be awkward. Some Intended Parents and Surrogates compare it to an “odd first date” or a high-stakes job interview. Just remember, the potential Surrogate is as nervous as you are!

When you’re meeting your potential Surrogate for the first time, it can help to start with some small talk. Try to ease into the conversation before jumping ahead to the ‘big stuff.’

Ask her about where she’s calling from and what the weather is like today. This can lead into a question about her daily schedule and whether she has her own children to look after or if she’s working.

From there, you can ask her to share more about herself. And that’s the perfect entry to asking the big questions…

Why did you decide to be a Surrogate?

A Surrogate’s motivation can give you powerful insight into her character. Every Intended Parent will want to know what motivated their Surrogate to have children for other people. For some women, it’s a genuine desire to help those who can’t have children themselves to start a family. Some may have seen others go through infertility. Whatever her answer, it can reveal a lot about her morals and personality.

What do you enjoy doing in your spare time?

Your Surrogate’s hobbies and interests will also provide some insights into who she is. Does she love animals? Does she go to the gym regularly, or perhaps run marathons? Is she into gardening, cooking, or reading? You may find that you share some interests, which will definitely help you bond!

What’s important to you in life?

This question can help you understand your Surrogate’s personal values. She might tell you about her family, pets, work, or other things that make her life meaningful. This will give you an opportunity to share what’s important to you, too.

Who is your support network?

Having a support network is a requirement for all Surrogates at Family Source Consultants. So, it’s good to chat with your Surrogate about who will be supporting her throughout her journey. You may even get to meet her partner or children during your first interviews. These people will also play crucial roles during her pregnancy, and you might become good friends!

What are your previous experiences with pregnancy or surrogacy?

It’s great to hear about your Surrogate’s previous journeys. Did she enjoy her pregnancies? Who has she been a Surrogate for before? What is her relationship with those IPs now? These questions will help you understand what your journey together will be like.

How do you want us to be involved during your journey?

As Intended Parents, you’ll need to know how much contact your Surrogate is comfortable with during her pregnancy. Will she send regular photos and videos? Will she want you to come to her appointments? What methods of contact will she prefer – WhatsApp, email, text messages, Zoom? And how often will she want to hear from you?

What are you hoping to gain from this experience?

Surrogates have all sorts of reasons for choosing to follow this path. It’s helpful to know her goals at this stage in her life. It’s also wise to understand her thoughts about the compensation side of surrogacy.

What kind of relationship would you like us to have after the baby is born?

You should decide how much contact you’ll have with your Surrogate after the birth. Some Surrogates hope to stay in touch while others prefer more distance. Talking about this now will help avoid confusion later.

What is a typical day for you?

Understanding your Surrogate’s routine and daily commitments will help you both to get a picture of how you’ll keep in contact. Does she work? Will she be available in the mornings only or at any time of the day? Now is the time to figure out where you’ll fit into her life.

A strong connection is essential

There may be plenty more questions on your mind – and feel free to ask them! After all, this is YOUR decision and your baby. It’s absolutely essential that you feel comfortable with your Surrogate, so you should be able to ask her anything.

At Family Source Consultants, most of us have been Intended Parents or Surrogates ourselves. Making a good match is of the highest priority and we’ll be there to help you through all of the tough parts – from start to finish.

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Staci Swiderski, CEO and owner of Family Source Consultants, has been a prominent leader in reproductive medicine for over two decades. Through her strategic vision and dedication, she has developed Family Source Consultants into a globally recognized agency specializing in comprehensive egg donation and gestational surrogacy services. Under Staci’s leadership, the agency has become a trusted partner for intended parents, surrogates, and egg donors worldwide, known for its rigorous standards, compassionate support, and commitment to excellence in third-party reproduction.

Her professional insight is uniquely informed by her own family-building experiences. As an intended parent, Staci welcomed her son via gestational surrogacy in 2005, and as a known egg donor, she assisted an infertile couple in expanding their family. These experiences lend a rare depth to her leadership and have fueled her ongoing dedication to ethical, empathetic, and professional support within the field of reproductive medicine.