Being a surrogate isn’t just about meeting certain criteria. It’s also important that YOU know who you want to carry a child for. After all, you’ll be in close contact with your Intended Parents for the entire journey and often beyond. It’s a unique relationship – one that requires careful thought.
The clearer you are about your criteria, the easier it will be for your surrogacy agency to find the perfect match.
Here are the top five things to think about before matching with intended parents.
1. Does location matter?
Your Intended Parents can be almost anywhere in the world! At Family Source, we serve clients from all over Asia, Europe, Latin America, and South America.
Of course, location plays a huge part in your interaction with your IPs, so it’s important to consider whether you want your IPs to live nearby or if you’d be happy with a long-distance relationship.
If you live near each other, you’ll be able (and possibly expected) to meet regularly in person or have them attend your clinic appointments. If you choose long-distance or international intended parents, you may only be able to contact them via Whatsapp or Facebook or see them periodically on Zoom meetings.
Each situation will be quite different in terms of keeping them updated regarding your progress.
You’ll also want to consider your relationship with the IPs after the birth. Are you hoping for regular updates after the birth, or will you be okay if the IPs decide to keep minimal contact?
Some surrogates end up maintaining close relationships with their IPs long after the child is born. Families may become friends, with both sides keeping in touch for many years. You might even receive regular photos of your surro-baby so you can watch them grow up.
In other cases, contact is minimal once the baby goes home with their parents, so it’s important to consider what kind of long-term relationship you would prefer.
2. What about the language barrier?
Communicating with your IPs is a big part of being a surrogate. Your IPs will be waiting to hear exactly what’s happening with their baby and how he or she is growing. They’ll also want to know how you’re feeling and what appointments you’re going to.
FSC loves making dreams come true for international parents. If you’re okay with working through a language barrier, you’ll need to know how to use translation apps and communicate across different time zones.
In most cases, our surrogates find this a breeze! There are some great tools available now, such as WhatsApp and WeChat, and online translators like Google Translate and Deepl.
3. What about same-sex couples or single parents?
For same-sex couples and single parents, surrogacy may be the only hope for starting a family. That makes a surrogate a pretty special person!
FSC is committed to equality for all individuals when it comes to starting a family, and about half of our Intended Parents are same-sex couples or gay parents.
Many surrogates choose to work with same-sex couples or single individuals because they recognize the difficulties these IPs have faced in their journey to becoming parents and want to help them achieve their dreams of having a family.
Would you be happy to carry a child for a gay couple? Or for a single man or woman? Or would you prefer an opposite-sex couple?
4. Are you pro-choice or pro-life?
It goes without saying that the life of a child is more precious than anything in the world. We know how special each baby is and how many people are longing for the arrival of their little miracle. But sometimes, things don’t go to plan.
Every pregnancy carries some element of risk, and there’s a risk that the baby you carry may have a medical condition that cannot be treated with medical science. In some cases, such a condition may affect the baby’s quality of life or even their ability to live at all.
As a surrogate, the decision to carry or terminate a pregnancy is up to you alone, so your values matter right from the start. Before you sign the contract with your IPs, everyone will discuss their thoughts regarding termination. Nobody can force you to make any decisions about your own body.
Consider how your personal beliefs would come into this situation. Would you be willing to comply with the IP’s wishes if a physician advised them to terminate the pregnancy?
5. Do you want to transfer one or two embryos?
It’s not uncommon for Intended Parents to hope their surrogate pregnancy might result in not one baby but two. This is why some parents ask if they can transfer two embryos during IVF treatment instead of just one.
Yes, transferring two embryos can improve the chances of having twins – possibly by as much as 50%. However, carrying multiples has far more risks, such as pre-eclampsia, gestational diabetes, and premature birth. Studies show that transferring one embryo per cycle is the safest option.
As a surrogate, you’ll need to consider whether you’ll be happy with the high chance of carrying multiples and the extra risks this can involve for your own health and the babies’.
For More Information
Yes, becoming a surrogate requires a lot of careful thought. But, as you’ll hear from other surrogates, it could be one of the most joyous experiences of your life. Have a chat with the team at Family Source to discover how you can become one of our surrogates!