As a gestational surrogate, you understand that Intended Parents spend a lot of time choosing the right person to carry their child. But it is just as important for you to pick the right IPs, too!
A surrogate’s role is the most demanding of all, both physically and mentally. It’s crucial that you match with IPs who align with your values, especially when it comes to communication and mutual support.
Here are some tips for choosing the right Intended Parents for your surrogacy journey.
Determine your goals
Right from the beginning, a surrogate needs to establish her goals for the journey ahead. There are lots of things to consider, like:
- Would you prefer to work with IPs living within the US or are you happy with an international relationship?
- With domestic IPs, you may get the opportunity to meet in person before, during, and after the pregnancy and communicate within similar time zones.
- International IPs will mean that your communication will be largely online, and there may be language barriers. But it’s also an amazing way to experience another culture.
Think about how close you want to be to your IPs and how much communication should be involved. Some surrogates are happy to share detailed information throughout the pregnancy and communicate regularly. They may even become lifelong friends with their IPs and get updates on their surro-baby.
Others prefer to keep things strictly business and provide only the necessary updates. These relationships usually end with the birth of the baby.
Another point to consider is whether your IPs’ sexual orientation and marital status matter to you. Almost half of the Family Source Consultants’ client base are same-sex, and we also work with a substantial number of single IPs. It’s entirely up to you who you feel comfortable being matched with (but having no strong preference greatly increases your chances of being matched!)
Creating the perfect surrogacy profile
Your profile is the first information your potential IPs will have about you, so it pays to be thorough. In other words – be you!
Create your profile in a way that reflects your personality. Write in your own voice. Explain why you want to be a surrogate and be specific about your vision for the journey ahead. And be sure to share photos of yourself and your family so that the IPs have an idea of what your lifestyle is like.
Review IP profiles carefully
As a surrogate with FSC, you’ll only receive profiles of IPs that match your criteria. But you’ll still need to read over each profile carefully and think about whether they would align with your goals.
Only after you approve a profile will your profile be shared with the IPs you selected.
If the IPs like your profile as much as you like theirs, FSC will set up a match meeting. This is when you’ll meet the IPs in person or via Zoom, and have a chat about whether you’ll be the right fit for one another.
This is one of the most exciting parts of the surrogacy process, so you may be a little anxious. But at FSC, we pride ourselves on making great matches. In fact, almost all of our matches agree to work together after their first match meeting!
What happens in the match meeting?
Your potential IPs will have a lot of questions, so it pays to prepare yourself a little in advance. They’ll definitely want to know why you decided to become a surrogate, so have your answer ready.
You can also expect questions about your personal values and who or what is important to you in life. This is when you’ll tell them about your family, your background, and any significant life events that have led you to become a surrogate.
It’s important that you share details about your support network and who will be beside you during your pregnancy. IPs need to know that you’re being looked after and someone will be on hand if you need them.
They’ll also want to hear about your day-to-day life. Tell them about your career, your hobbies, your favorite foods, what you watch on Netflix – anything that defines you as the amazing person you are!
The key is to be honest. The surrogacy journey is long, often lasting 2 years, so you and your IPs need to be 100% comfortable with one another from day one. If you don’t click, then it’s not the right match.
You’re under no obligation to commit to an arrangement if it doesn’t feel right, so just be patient. Like all good things, the matching process takes time, and the perfect IPs for you are definitely out there.
Need to know more? No problem: our staff is ready to help! Call us for a chat or send an email. We’d love to help you on your journey!