One of the wonderful things about being in a relationship is understanding and loving your partner for who they are and supporting them in everything they do. 

So, what if your wife or spouse decides to carry a baby for someone else?

Gestational surrogacy is no small matter. It involves many months of consultations, clinical appointments, medications, and legalities. There will be many different people along the way, and the most amazing part of all – a tiny miracle! 

Then that tiny miracle will go home with someone else. And as a spouse, how do you handle that?

Understanding why your spouse wants to be a surrogate

The idea of your partner wanting to carry a baby for someone else is a lot to get your head around. One of the first things you’ll be wondering is – why?

First things first: communicate. 

The two of you will need to sit down together and talk this out. It’s absolutely vital that you both establish the reasons your loved one wants to be a surrogate and what has inspired her. You will then need to talk about how it will affect your relationship and how the surrogacy process will work.

Although your spouse will be the one going through the surrogate pregnancy, you will be affected, too. It’s important that you discuss this in detail and make a plan for how it will play out. If you have children, they will need to be included, too. 

Overcoming anxiety and fears

Although communication will help to alleviate some of the uncertainty, you may still experience some anxiety about the situation. That’s completely normal; it shows how much you care about your partner. 

The best way to overcome your worries about what lies ahead is to make a plan. 

You’ll need to figure out how to manage the commitments involved in being a surrogate and what you’ll do if your spouse needs your help with her everyday responsibilities. It’s also wise to come up with a ‘worst case scenario’ game plan. What will you do if something goes wrong? 

Don’t hesitate to seek outside help if you need it! A surrogacy expert can help you work through any anxieties you’re having during this time and guide you through the process. 

How to share the good news

Before too long, you’ll need to tell your friends and extended family about your exciting journey. This can be both fun and tricky. You don’t always know how loved ones will react to the idea of their friend, sister, or other relative being a surrogate. 

Social media is sometimes the easiest (and most painless) way of announcing your news. You’ll be able to reach the majority of your friends and family this way, and they’ll all be “told” at the same time. It also means you can avoid any face-to-face awkwardness and keep the mood light! 

If you’d prefer to be a little more serious about your announcement, a get-together with your pals could be an option. Hosting a small party or a dinner can be a great way to share your announcement and receive everyone’s love and support in person. The positive response of others will also be contagious! 

How to support her emotionally

As amazing as your spouse is, she’ll still need a lot of emotional support during this time. 

There are lots of things you can do to help her out:

  • Learn what admin tasks lie ahead and help with as many as you can. There will be papers to sign, lawyers to talk to, insurance to sort out, and other technicalities to process. 
  • Be prepared for some difficult periods as she goes through hormone treatment. Hormones have an enormous influence on mood and emotions, and everybody responds differently. Your patience and support will make all the difference. 
  • Help your partner prepare for the tougher months of the pregnancy in advance. Find out what she’ll need – clothes, supplements, comfort food, or special treatments. The more comfortable she is, the easier this journey will be for both of you. 

How to be involved in the surrogacy process

Your involvement matters! Get to know the Intended Parents alongside your wife and be part of the relationship as it develops. 

Join your partner at her medical appointments (if she’s okay with it!) and be her chauffeur when you can.

Learn what will happen during the birth and what you’ll need to do to support her. A practice run could make life a lot easier when the big day comes! 

When it’s all over, and the baby has gone home with their parents, be attentive to your partner’s needs. This may be a strange time for her. Though she will have postpartum support from the team at Family Source Consultants, your support and involvement during this period is crucial.

Dealing with strangers’ opinions

Not everyone is enthusiastic about surrogacy, and it’s impossible to know what the rest of the world might think about your situation. You will be asked many questions along the way, so preparing answers in advance is often a good idea.

If their opinion is negative, it may be that they simply don’t understand what surrogacy is all about. This can be an opportunity for you to explain why your partner has made this decision and what an incredible gift this is. 

Of course, you can’t change everyone’s minds. You’ll need to support your partner if she faces criticism and focus on what matters: the baby, the Intended Parents, and the future. Your agency will be on hand to help you every step of the way. 

Learn more about surrogacy

If you’re thinking about becoming a surrogate – or your partner is – you’re in the right place! Family Source Consultants is one of the most well-known and respected surrogacy agencies in the US. Our expert team would love to hear from you! Contact us today!

Staci Swiderski, CEO and owner of Family Source Consultants has been involved in the field of reproductive medicine since 2002. Staci has vigorously grown the comprehensive egg donation and gestational surrogacy agency to become a worldwide leader in the third-party reproduction field. Staci is a former intended parent herself. She and her husband welcomed their son via gestational surrogacy in 2005. Additionally, Staci had the experience of assisting an infertile couple (AKA Recipient Parents) build their family through her efforts as an egg donor, with her donation resulting in the births of their son and daughter.