Surrogacy gives you the opportunity to connect with others. It allows you to build new relationships and bonds. But, what happens to those relationships after the baby arrives is also important. Surrogates and intended parents often choose to maintain a relationship after the baby is born. In fact, 47 percent of children keep in touch with their surrogate and have reported having a great relationship with them. The matching process is a very delicate process and our agency focuses on the relationship expectations between all parties.
It’s important to know if you’re open to establishing a relationship between you and your surrogate after the baby is born. Keeping the relationship alive between the surrogate and you as the intended parent is entirely up to you. The relationship is what you make of it. These four tips will help you maintain your surrogate relationship after the birth of your baby.
Tip #1: Consult your loved ones.
Whether it is your family, spouse, or even children, make sure you communicate with them your desires to maintain the relationship with your surrogate. It is important to note that not everyone will be supportive of this decision. However, letting them know beforehand will give them time to process the information and give them time to give you their feedback on the situation.
Tip #2: Communicate openly and honestly.
Open communication is important between a surrogate and the intended parents both during and after surrogacy. If you intend to maintain a relationship after surrogacy, communication is key. Let your surrogate know your intentions for the relationship and ask them theirs as well. This will open the line of communication for future conversations and help build trust.
Tip #3: Establish respect and boundaries.
Once you know what each person is looking for in the relationship after the baby is born, you can begin to establish respect for one another as well as boundaries. It is important to respect each person involved in the relationship as well as respecting their boundaries. You do not want to push them outside of their comfort zone or make them feel disrespected. Each side of the relationship is valuable.
Tip #4: Set up regular contact.
The key to maintaining a good relationship is making time for one another on a regular basis. If you and your surrogate prefer talking via phone call or video chat, set up regular times to do so. Or, if you and your surrogate prefer to meet in person, schedule regular dates and times to get together. This will give you time to bond and continue to grow your relationship into the future.
By following these tips, you can begin your journey to maintaining a strong relationship with your surrogate after your baby is born.
Staci Swiderski, CEO and owner of Family Source Consultants has been involved in the field of reproductive medicine since 2002. Staci has vigorously grown the comprehensive egg donation and gestational surrogacy agency to become a worldwide leader in the third-party reproduction field. Staci is a former intended parent herself. She and her husband welcomed their son via gestational surrogacy in 2005. Additionally, Staci had the experience of assisting an infertile couple (AKA Recipient Parents) build their family through her efforts as an egg donor, with her donation resulting in the births of their son and daughter.
