So, you’re thinking about becoming a gestational surrogate. Fantastic! Surrogacy is quite literally the gift of life; one of the most incredible things you can do for someone else.
But what does the rest of your family think about it? Will they find it a little… weird?
Surrogacy is fast becoming more ‘normal’ in society, especially with the number of celebrities who have used surrogates to grow their own families. Not to mention, Family Source Consultants has welcomed hundreds and hundreds of babies, thanks to our amazing TeamFSC Surrogates. However, there are still many misconceptions about the process. Both you and your family will need to know how to face up to those misconceptions while also dealing with the ups and downs of your pregnancy.
Will your spouse feel comfortable saying, “Oh, my wife’s having someone else’s baby, how are things with you?”
And how will your son or daughter be able to explain to their friends that, “Mommy’s having a baby but we don’t get to keep it…”?
Sure, you’re the one carrying the pregnancy – but your partner, children, and other loved ones are in for this journey, too. They’ll need to understand why you’re doing this – and you’ll want their support.
Gestational Surrogacy and Your Partner
If you have a partner or a spouse, he or she might be the first person you’ll discuss your surrogacy decision with. Understandably, a partner may be worried about how the pregnancy will affect your health, the changes it might make to your relationship, and what sort of contact you’ll have with the intended parent(s) after the baby is born.
The support of your partner is absolutely crucial for any surrogate, which is why professional surrogate agencies like Family Source Consultants make it a key area of focus. Nobody should go through the surrogacy journey alone, and that’s why TeamFSC is here for you.
Even the strongest relationships can face some challenges during this time. Here are some tips for keeping both of you on the same page…
Keep your partner included
Update your partner on everything that’s happening or is going to happen – right from the beginning. Bring them along to your appointments (where appropriate!) and answer all their questions. Be as open with one another as possible – just as you would in any healthy relationship.
Everyone has a special reason for becoming a surrogate. Remind yourself and your partner of this reason whenever things get tough. Most importantly, focus on how the intended parent(s) will be looking forward to this child, and the incredible gift you’re giving them.
Remember also that this is only for a short period of time (relatively speaking!). While your pregnancy may exclude you from certain things – like going out for a drink or changing the kitty litter – this is only temporary. After the birth, life will return to normal and you will walk away with the greatest reward of self-fulfillment.
Join a support group together
Even if you’re both handling things okay, it can be beneficial to join a support group with other surrogate mothers and their partners. Being with other people who are going through the same process will remind both of you, that you’re not alone. You might even make some great friends.
Explaining Surrogacy to Your Kids
All surrogates are moms themselves, which means you’ll probably need to find some way of explaining your pregnancy to your kids. This will of course depend on their age and maturity level.
TeamFSC Surrogate, Shannon, shares, “This journey with FSC will be one I’ll always remember. The Family Source team has been so helpful and encouraging through the whole process. My intended parents were the perfect fit and we have made a great connection. Plus my children think it is awesome their mommy is helping make another family.”
Here’s how to make things easier to understand:
Prepare your kids ahead of time
Before you leap right in and tell your kids that you’re going to be a surrogate, introduce the concept gently with a hypothetical situation. There are lots of great children’s books about surrogacy that are designed to inform without overwhelming a young mind. Once they’ve got the hang of the idea, you can ask them what they’d think about their Mom being a surrogate.
Explain why you’re being a surrogate
Older children may be somewhat sensitive about what other people will think. Help them understand what an amazing journey they’re going to be a part of, and that you’ll need their support. The more included they feel, the easier it will be to accept.
Young children, on the other hand, may find it a little confusing that mommy is having a baby but they aren’t getting a little brother or sister. A great way to explain this is to say that you know another mommy whose ‘tummy is broken’, and so her baby has to live in your tummy instead. You’re just keeping her baby safe so it grows big enough to go to its other home.
Be fun and open
Don’t pretend that everything is normal and that you don’t have a huge belly. Allow your kids to be curious about the situation. Tell them about the baby’s family and share their photos. Answer any questions they may have, and be ready to deal with any weird ideas they may hear outside of the home.
Most of all – be positive. This can be difficult when your hormones are all over the place, but the more excited you are, the easier it will be for children to accept and appreciate what’s happening.
Two weeks ago, TeamFSC Surrogate, Shannon, gave birth to a beautiful healthy baby. She expresses, “Best experience ever!!!! Baby ‘C’ is doing great!”
Ready to Become a Surrogate?
Once everyone’s comfortable with the idea, it’s time to take action! Get in touch with a professional surrogacy agency like Family Source Consultants and have a chat about your options. FSC is a leading surrogacy agency that will guide you through the entire process from start to finish. Many of the FSC team have been in exactly the same position you’re in now, so they’ll be able to answer every little question you and your family might have – even the ones that your five-year-old asks you in the middle of the night!